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avatar YZXFILE 1 mon.ago

A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars.

The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A man was having trouble with his pet hippo (as if having a hippo as a pet wasn’t enough trouble on its own). The poor thing was convinced that it was a chicken!

So the man called a convenient local animal psychologist and explained the situation. The doctor said, “I think I can help your hippo: Can you bring it in this afternoon?” The man replied, “Can we come in tomorrow? I’m having friends over for omelettes tonight.”

2. Beethoven concerts were probably like

Beethoven: Are you ready? Crowd: YEEESSSSS!!! Beethoven: I can't hear you!

3. The new Pope was a math major in college!

So not only does he know sin - he also knows cos and tan. Edit: I say this with respect. I hope it doesn't trig-ger anyone.

4. An elephant man scores a hot elephant date

Not wanting to overwhelm her he goes to the elephant doctor to ask about a penile shrinking surgery. The doctor says “Well there is a new experimental procedure involving cells from various parts of the vagina of a human female, but there may be side effects”. The elephant man agrees, and undergoes the procedure. When it’s time for the date he doesn’t show up because he be shopping.

5. I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself...

My wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK!"

6. My family was furious when they found out I hooked up with my second cousin.

Oddly enough, they never said a word about the first one.

7. Where does a General keep his armies?

In his sleeve-ies

8. After playing the guitar for years, I thought I could learn to play the piano.

It's not an easy instrument to pick up.

9. My late grandfather was the undisputed king of keeping gnats and flies away from our food at family reunion picnics. Now that he’s gone, that role falls to me this year. And while I’m ready to take it on, everyone keeps reminding me…

…I’ve got some big shoos to fill.

10. The biggest tragedy in Star Wars is the lack of information on one of their greatest unsung heroes. He brought the Rebels the plans for the second Death Star before he died.

But that is all we know about Manny Bothans.

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